Your esteem has a lot to do with whether or not you will self-sabotage as a good number of people who sabotage themselves operate from a place of inadequacy. Self-sabotage is to damage something deliberately – albeit unconsciously - so that it does not work correctly. Can you think of the times when you started to ghost a potential partner because a relationship was getting too serious? Or you started to give less to work because you already judged yourself incompetent? Maybe you stopped going after really attractive opportunities because somehow you decided it wasn’t for someone like you? This are just some examples of how we sabotage ourselves.

It’s not that we don’t want the good things, we just don’t feel worthy of them, or we’re just not ready, so we do what we can to avoid taking on those things, even knowing that we could be better for having them. I’m invested in you so I’ll suggest the following steps that you can apply to stop with the sabotage:

  1. See your self-sabotage for what it is. Self-reflection and introspection is one of the best gifts we can give ourselves. We go about looking for people to validate us and forget that the first work starts with the self. If you have a habit of pulling out of good things because you’re overwhelmed or intimidated by them, notice your patterns and call it what it is. Don’t look for a fanciful way to put it, you are self-sabotaging.

  2. Recognise the fears behind your action. At its root self-sabotage has some element of fear to it. You are probably scared of being in the limelight, scared of embarrassing yourself, of living up to your own standard or whatever. Sit with your observations and dig deep to know the fears that motivate them because only then can you help yourself out of that destructive behaviour.

  3. Affirm and believe in yourself. You are worthy of good things, say it until it becomes you. If you notice, some of the most successful people in the world are not the most skilled, just very confident. Be objective about your ability and worth and go after what you want, insecurity be damned!

I’ll leave you with this quote by Jason Day, “If you don’t believe in yourself, somewhere or another, you sabotage yourself.”


osayomon gaius-obaseki